Monday, September 21, 2009

Work crap again

Aw, man, here it is again. I'm sitting here and I don't want to be here or do this. I have rather a lot to get done in the hour and a half I have left here, which means I've got to really truly get down to it and focus and stay focused.
But I just. don't. want. to.
All I can tell myself is that this job pissed me off a little bit yesterday, on a personal level, and so my resistance today is out of anger and hurt and truculence, and that's not cool, that's no reason to get yourself in actual fucking trouble with the place where you earn the money your family needs.
Let's see if that fucking works.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

YOu can't call it dilligence

If I were a guy who "I write every day, 15 minutes minimum. That's how I make a practice out of it and make it not such a big damn deal. That way, when I've Really Got Something To Say*, it'll come right out, no issues, no snags, har be har bo who ba doo!", then I could say "we've got free time at work, and before I spend the rest of it watching more web videos, I figured I'd do my due dilligence and get my writing for the day done now." But I can't call it due dilligence if it ain't due. And it ain't. Blarp.
Just caught up on my friend Tony's rather successful web series "The Legend of Neil", after a long damn time of being behind, and I really really like it.
Computers are like rails for me, but not rails to anything useful. Rails, instead, immediately away from anything useful. Which is a shame since so many of my useful plans have sitting at a computer as their primary means. Probably, I need to create a lot of active, intense amusements that have nothing to do with screens or electronics or electrics of any kind (i'm pretty much thinking of playing soccer or maybe building lean-tos or something in the woods, here), so that there will be where I have my fun, and the computer won't feel like that. So that when I sit down at a screen, all may parts won't go "Ah! Here be fun and dissolution!".

Because for now, I ain't getting shit done in my copious down time. And by "for now" I mean, like, for the past goddamn 3-8 years. And by "down time" I mean unstructured time.

*I went all Nick Hornsby on that one and I knew i was doing it** and decided to do it anyway, telling m'self I'd make it all right with a self-aware asterisk-note. But self-aware goes TOO FAR sometime, doesn't it?

**I don't know that I was doing it. I thought I was. But I don't know for sure that that's Going Nick Hornsby at all. It's who I think of, and since I just read _High Fidelity_ a cuople weeks ago, I may be right. But I'm not sure. You care!